People drop me because of my "masculine" interests and it's… — Soultrob
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☹ Feeling Sad • 4 days, 13 hours ago
Trob
People drop me because of my "masculine" interests and it's tiring

Lately, I’ve been feeling so drained by how easily people lose interest in me once they find out about my hobbies. It’s weird and honestly kind of painful. I’ve always noticed that a lot of guys seem to prefer very traditionally feminine women, and that’s fine. But this situation is different it’s not even about how I look or act, it’s about what I enjoy doing.

I wouldn’t even describe myself as masculine. I have long hair, I wear makeup, I love dressing in a mix of styles androgynous most days, sometimes crop tops or skirts when the weather’s nice. I’m soft-spoken, I’m warm, I care deeply about people, and I’ve always thought of myself as fairly attractive, especially since I’ve had people confess feelings for me based on my looks alone.

But the moment we start actually getting to know each other, something shifts. It’s like the interest fades as soon as they realize I don’t fit their exact idea of what a “feminine” woman should be into. I play guitar. I go to the gym. I play in two local sports teams. I love action movies, I read comics, and I build scale models for fun. Somehow, that combination makes people especially men pull away.

It’s happened more times than I can count. I’ll start bonding with someone over a shared interest, and suddenly I become “too masculine.” The irony is that many of them like the exact same things I do, but when I enjoy them, it’s apparently off-putting.

One guy even told me he liked that I was “cool and different,” but later said he couldn’t handle how “unfeminine” my hobbies were. How does that even make sense?

It’s confusing because I’m not trying to act masculine. I just like what I like. And I’m tired of pretending that I have to hide or soften parts of myself just to seem more dateable. I’m tired of people acting like femininity has to fit inside a box, like you can’t be both gentle and strong, emotional and passionate, soft and bold.

Sometimes I wonder if people like the idea of a girl who’s a little different, but not the reality of it. It makes me sad because I know I’m not doing anything wrong I’m just being myself. I want someone who sees me fully, someone who doesn’t flinch at the fact that I build model planes or get competitive in sports.

I guess I’m just tired of being told I’m “too much” or “not enough.” Tired of being judged for my interests instead of my character. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who gets it someone who actually finds it beautiful that I’m not trying to fit into anyone’s version of perfect femininity.

Because honestly, having the same interests as someone you care about should bring you closer, not drive you apart.
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Comments (4)

  • K
    The part about people liking the idea of someone different but not the reality. It’s like they want “quirky” until it stops fitting their image of feminine perfection.
  • M
    You’re not the problem. Society still has this weird obsession with labeling hobbies as “masculine” or “feminine.” I think being passionate and confident in what you love is incredibly attractive.
  • S
    Same experience here. I’m a woman who plays drums and fixes cars. Some men find it cool at first, then suddenly get intimidated. It’s not you, it’s their insecurity.
  • A
    It’s crazy how some guys can watch superhero movies all day but think it’s weird when a woman loves comics. The double standard is exhausting.