Trans and Friendships I don’t even know where to start w… — Soultrob
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☹ Feeling Sad • 1 week, 2 days ago
Trob
Trans and Friendships

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Maybe I just need to say it out loud to people who might actually get it.

I’m a trans woman male-to-female and everyone who follows me on social media already knows. I’ve been trying so hard to build real friendships lately, but I think I’ve finally hit the wall.

I’ve tried connecting with other women, but most of them are deep in mom life now. They’ve got kids, partners, and zero time for “girl time.” I totally get it life happens. But it still hurts showing up for people who never really have space for me.

And making male friends? That’s even harder. I went out today with this guy who already knew I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I just wanted to hang out, laugh, maybe make a new friend. We were talking outside the arcade before going in, and he brought up something I’d posted on Facebook — something political about trans rights.

Then he hit me with it: “I didn’t know you were trans.” And followed it up with, “I don’t want to date someone like that.”

The wild part? I already told him I wasn’t trying to date. It shouldn’t have mattered at all. But in that split second, I felt this weird mix of fear and sadness like I’d been punched in the chest.

He follows me online. My posts are public. I don’t hide who I am. But that moment reminded me how exhausting it is to exist in a world that always seems to make you explain your humanity over and over again.

Being “passing” can be a blessing, sure. But sometimes it just makes everything more confusing. People treat you differently when they don’t know and then they turn cold when they do.

I always make it a point to tell people I’m trans, because I want honesty. But honestly? I’m tired. I just wanted a friend.
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Comments (3)

  • 🙈
    Anonymous
    It breaks my heart how often trans women have to apologize for simply existing. You deserve friendships that don’t come with disclaimers or explanations. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must feel to keep reintroducing your truth to people who should already know it. You didn’t do anything wrong here he did.
  • 🙈
    Anonymous
    As someone who’s struggled to make friends in my 30s (for totally different reasons), I still get that ache of wanting connection. Add identity and safety into that mix and it becomes even heavier. I hope you never lose hope, because you sound like someone worth knowing.
  • 🙈
    Anonymous
    You’re incredibly strong for still trying. I know it probably doesn’t feel that way, but you are. Every time you show up as yourself, even after moments like this, you’re reclaiming the power this world keeps trying to take. Please don’t stop showing up.