The Skill Every Anxious Person Needs to Learn | A Psychologist Explains If you've tried breathing techniques, positive thinking, and challenging your thoughts — and you still feel stuck — it's because you're missing the foundational skill that makes all of those actually work. In this video, I break down what that skill is, the neuroscience behind why it works, and three practices you can start using this week. This isn't about relaxation. It's about changing your relationship to your own thoughts — and it's the single most important thing for people to learn. ⏱ TIMESTAMPS 0:00 – The 2am Thought Spiral (and what's really causing it) 1:34 – Why "Think Better Thoughts" Doesn't Work 3:07 – What Mindfulness Actually Is (it's not what you think) 4:26 – The Two Modes: Sense-Based vs. Thought-Based Experience 7:15 – Practice #1: Name the Story 8:38 – Practice #2: The Sense Shift 10:10 – Practice #3: The Observer Anchor 11:15 – The Bigger Picture 12:36 – When to Seek Professional Help 13:10 – Your Challenge For This Week 📌 KEY TAKEAWAYS — Anxiety is almost entirely a thought-based, future-oriented experience. It struggles to fully run when you're anchored in direct sensory experience. — Mindfulness isn't about calming down. It's attentional training — learning to observe your thoughts rather than be controlled by them. — The goal isn't fewer anxious thoughts. It's a different relationship to the thoughts that show up. 🔬 RESEARCH REFERENCED — Kashdan & Rottenberg (2010) – Psychological flexibility as a predictor of long-term wellbeing — Aldao, Nolen-Hoeksema & Schweizer (2010) – Acceptance-based strategies vs. suppression for anxiety — Hölzel et al. (2011) – Mindfulness practice and structural brain changes — Farb et al. (2007, 2013) – Sense-based vs. narrative processing in the brain — Gloster et al. (2020) – Meta-analysis of ACT for anxiety 📺 WATCH NEXT ▸ Your Anxiety Wont Go Away Because of This One Thing - (Psychologist Explains) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCPiUa6ZsPw&t=2s ▸ Psychologist Explains How to Stop Overthinking Fast! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvufkJGRFmc&t=177s 💬 Drop a comment: Which of the three practices are you starting with this week? 🔔 Subscribe for new videos every week: @drtabshamsi #anxiety #mindfulness #psychologist #mentalhealth #cbt #act #anxietyrelief #cognitivebehavioraltherapy #mindfulnessmeditation #executivefunctioning ABOUT DR. TAB SHAMSI I'm a Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist. I make videos about anxiety, focus, executive functioning, and how your brain actually works — backed by research, explained in plain language. New videos every week. IMPORTANT This video is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional mental health diagnosis or treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship. If you need individualized support, please consult a licensed mental health professional in your area. If you are in crisis, please contact: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988 Crisis Text Line — text HOME to 741741
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This is such an important message. A lot of people try to fix their thoughts without ever learning how to relate to them differently, and that’s where things actually start to shift. That skill of stepping back, noticing, and not getting pulled into every thought can be a real turning point. It’s not about forcing calm, it’s about creating a bit of space inside your mind.
Hes right, Ive been practicing this for nearly a year now and wow the healing is real. From Panic Attacks Daily, DPDR. To more present and enjoying life. Fuck you Anxiety :-) but also thank you.
What really resonated here is the idea that anxiety is not something you fix by thinking your way out of it. The body holds the pattern. One thing I have found working with hundreds of anxious people is that the fastest way to interrupt an anxiety loop is through the breath, not the mind. The Physiological Sigh is a good example. Two short inhales stacked through the nose followed by one long exhale through the mouth. It takes about 10 seconds. This is actually the body's built in calming mechanism. It is the same pattern that happens instinctively when you stop crying. Three to five rounds of that will shift your nervous system state faster than any cognitive reframe. The deeper practice is coherent breathing at about 6 breaths per minute. Inhale for 5 seconds, exhale for 5 seconds. Research from Brown and Gerbarg showed this specific rhythm optimizes heart rate variability and has been used clinically for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. The skill Dr. Shamsi describes here pairs well with these somatic tools. You need both the awareness to catch the pattern and the physical technique to shift it.
Easier said than done when your heart is racing mile a minute which is all I am able to notice during my anxiety
It is even more important to protect oneself from other people's anxious energy. It's insane how toxic others can be and expect you to listen.
I spent years trying to fix my thoughts. Replace it with positive ones, prove it wrong, just make myself relax, etc. It only ever made it worse. I literally just stopped trying to fix it. It was basically just allowing the thought to be there. No leaning into it or trying to get rid of it. Just letting it be there, not treating it as an emergency. One i just started saying “oka yah thag thought is here” and then continued on with my day, even if i still felt worried, things changed.
I learned to separate myself from thoughts and imaginations and that’s when my fear vanished 😊 and a little practice to live in present
"You are not your thoughts; you are the observer of your thoughts
Stress isn't something that happens to you it's how you react to what has happened.
I’m a behavioral scientist with a severe anxiety disorder for almost 20 years. And I still learned quite a lot from this video! Thanks!!
Thank you so much, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw how underrated you are
"your mind starts running a case, running every piece of evidence" 100% spot on.
this makes sense to me cuz it lines up with stuff like journaling, making art, and mindfulness meditation that I've already had some growth from. I appreciate this organized presentation a lot! what stands out to me most is literally that tiny moment of just noticing. it feels like an "aha!" eureka moment, as if i just caught an arrow out of the air, mid-flight. it is quite empowering for mindfulness, and really does translate to being useful when I need it.
Dr. Tab Shamsi explains that overcoming anxiety isn't about eliminating thoughts, but changing your relationship with them through mindfulness and sensory grounding techniques that anchor you in the present.
4:25 for me this was probably the most valuable piece of information (the study that suggests the changes to brain may be long term/permanent). I'd love to see a more detailed video about the study on long term effects of practicing mindfulness, for example how long does it take for daily practice of mindfulness to have noticeable effects etc
I am not able to think about shapes, colors the way you describe. My mind is so stuck on terrible thoughts, being terrible, not terrible, my life being ruined. These thoughts interrupt what you say to do and I wanna scream because I want to be able to do this and change. For me it is every second of every moment of everyday.
One thing you would say that I’ve always had trouble with when it comes to breathing, especially if I’m anxious and I’m breathing really quick shallow breaths is that when I do sit and focus on my breath, there’s always a tussle between realizing but I’m not breathing correctly and trying to fix it or just letting it be even though it’s very inefficient and out of proper rhythm. Many years I’ve tried to do breath work and in doing that it’s often made my anxiety worse and so when I do sit and just try to focus on my breath without doing anything, I often start thinking about it too much. I think in relation to the five minute mindfulness practice or in any type of meditation I guess if you start trying to fix your breath, you’re just following a thought? I know when I’m really relaxed. I’m not thinking about my breath or how I’m doing it and yet it’s happening perfectly fine and it seems like whenever I try to change it if I’m in a panic it just makes it worse. Breathing technique patterns have never helped me when I’m really anxious.
This is probably the clearest and most understandable explanation of the structure of anxiety. It also explained the core of mindfulness properly in one go. Once you understand the structure, you can actually start working with it.
One day you see videos about how to relax, then about how to meditate. Next day, you see videos "do not relax", "do not meditate". I love YouTube.
Yesterday i followed a technique of CBT-I to not stay in bed if it was taking me more than ~15 mins. I was sitting on the chair dreading the time to try again, because of the panic of not sleeping yet another night (this panic at this point was what was keeping me from sleep). Then i watched this video... felt a bit of hope, went back to bed, started describing my thoughts, then the meta-thoughts, then... I was asleep. Thank you.