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Some of us were completely unsuccessful as children and are still working on learning how to do those things in the present.
It's quite shocking how little people know about the forbidden book Social Secrets Mastery.
I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I can be quite observant. One thing I've noticed as I've aged (now in my 40's) is that we never leave the school playground. The same childish behaviours we experience in the school playground at the ages of 8+ are still going on in adult life. Bullying of all kinds, separate groups, tantrums, etc.
Agreed I was an adult at 7 years old had no freinds to afraid to trust anyone,,,learned how to have to take care of myself find my own food parents were both alcoholics 😢I’m here still here ❤
I didn’t really have any of those things. I was an abused and neglected undiagnosed autistic kid. I don’t deal with conflict. Can’t do it. If someone comes at me with an aggressive energy, I’m gone.
At 8 or 9, I was functioning as an adult. Although not as well as I thought. With conflict, I tried to make peace. Socialization, I earned friends by looking around & choosing someone who also needed a friend. Then talking with them.
Explains why I am a loner.
This is going to help me be a better father to my children. Thanks.
We moved all the time from school to school, house to house due to my dad’s alcoholism and inability to keep a job. I kept to myself and would wait for other people to approach me and since I was backward and shy, that didn’t happen much. I ended up glomming onto the misfits and nerds. My safety at home was compromised so I learned to fight and scrap. To this day I can size up someone in a second and know if I can trust them. I had no socializing skills due to not having a phone and moving all the time. The only constants were my grandparents so now I am a little hermit-ed up with my family and church. Two years ago, I had a car wreck that nearly killed me with a severe TBI. It makes me feel like sometimes I’m still 8 or 9 and trying to make friends and socialize and feel safe. I am struggling.
At 57 I still struggle with things from that childhood period. Safe place? Didn't have one. Conflict? Hate it! I do everything in my power to just make people get along - why is that so difficult, to just be nice? Socialize? I had no friends, barely got along with my two sisters, and to this day, I prefer friends that I only see once in a while - being alone at home is not the same as being lonely! Rewards? Big eye roll here - straight A student, no applause, while my sisters were basically given parties to accomplish a C or B. Rewards? Never! No matter how hard I tried, or how much I accomplished, I was always shoved aside for them... To this day, I'm told how 'smart' I am while those who say that insist on never listening to advice from me, and when I do anything at all, I'm treated like I must be dumb. Living out in the middle of basically nowhere, homesteading, raising my own animals and trying to garden - these things give me peace of mind, a sense of accomplishment, and all the reward I never received from anything else. People suck in my world, and I'm far happier alone.
For me it's a bit odd because I was the perpetual new kid at school. Attended 18 schools in 5 states before I graduated. I found people are the same everywhere. Usually only could make friends of the kids who were outside of any popular clicks. I learned to expect that each time. I also learned how to say goodbye & move forward to new friends ahead. However I think I am too quick at times to walk away from friends as an adult. It's protected me from toxic relationships though. I have been married 45 years to the best guy in the world so I guess I saw all the ones to avoid first. 😂 I also raised my kids in a small town in midwest.😉
I would love to see Chase on Jordan Peterson's podcast. That'd be a trip
Army brat here. This makes so much sense. Home is the safe spot. Out and about friendly but not to close.
I compromised with kids. " I have candy". I smiled to be approachable and loved playing jacks and jump rope with kids. I kept quiet when conflicts occured, waited it out to see how it turned out. Someone else should get in trouble ,not me if I was innocent. Years later, my coping and social skills paid off. I never had tantrums. I learned all by myself bec I couldn't figure out why adults acted so stupidly. My inner strength and self reliance was the foundation of my soul and success...I'm proud of myself. thnx!
I grew up with all females. No males, except random ones who came and went. A lot of drama, chaos, and emotional outbursts. Around 8 or 9, I discovered Star Trek. I decided I want to be Spock. Push the emotions aside and just try to use logic. It helped some ... hindered some. 😝
Makes so much sense.
The big question is how does one go about changing this construct?
Id like to think Ive learned a LOT of skills since I was 8 or 9- through therapy, through parenting children who are on the autism spectrum, through consistently pursuing learning and developing.
I am very passive in the face of conflict, I wish to be more assertive and it's like I freeze and go into placating and pleasing mode.
*I was ( still am ) a stutterer that made me struggle to know how to communicate and gain friends. I’m a twin, that my twin always got rewarded by my parents because she was smarter and knew how to talk. I never felt safe at home* My kids are the opposite of me as I made sure their raising was in a helpful expressive safe home. Thank God.