You know that moment after a breakup when you find yourself going back to their photos. Not all of them, just the best ones. The trips, the laughs, the versions of you that felt happiest together. And before you even realize it, it starts to feel like you lost something perfect. This is about that moment. The quiet spiral where you begin to question your decision, wondering if you made a mistake, where the relationship in your memory starts to feel better than it actually was. Jay breaks down what’s really happening there. Your mind is editing the past, holding onto the highlights while slowly letting go of the reasons it didn’t work. The arguments, the doubts, the patterns that hurt you all start to fade. So what you’re missing isn’t the full relationship. It’s a curated version of it. Jay unpacks why heartbreak can feel so overwhelming. It’s not just emotional, it’s biological. Your brain responds to the loss like withdrawal, craving the connection it got used to, which is why checking their profile or replaying old conversations can feel almost impossible to resist. Even deeper than that, Jay explains how breakups often tap into something older, patterns of attachment, fears of being left, or the need to feel chosen. When you think you’re missing them, part of what you’re really feeling is the loss of security, identity, and the version of yourself that existed in that relationship. In this episode you'll learn: How to Stop Romanticizing Your Ex How to Break the Late-Night Thought Spiral How to Let Go Without Losing Yourself How to Resist the Urge to Check Their Socials How to Heal Without Reaching Out How to Rebuild Your Identity After a Breakup If you’re in that space right now, missing them, questioning everything, going back and forth in your mind, just know this: what you’re feeling is real, but it doesn’t mean the story you’re telling yourself is true. It means you cared, you attached, and now you’re learning how to let go. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:20 The Version You Miss Isn’t the Whole Truth 07:29 Why Your Mind Rewrites the Past 10:46 The Hidden Patterns That Break Relationships 12:29 What You’re Really Grieving 17:22 The Real Work of Letting Go 19:32 #1: No Contact Rule 21:07 #2: The Full Picture Exercise 22:01 #3: Interrupt the Spiral 23:38 #4: Rebuild Your Identity 26:09 #5: Grief is Grief Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me
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OMG I needed this!
It’s a very very exposing moment in life. Heartbreak. We find all the weak pillars in our life. Two days ago we had a phone call that after a year of end/start over moments we tried to grasp the need she had for space. She even admitted to being on a date already. But in this call I also had to admit I could not “be there” when she wanted to say hi or send photos of the dogs etc. I could not be a “friend” as she opened her intimacy to others. I could only break our/my attachment through distance and space. It was difficult but a beautiful call of expression and love. It’s hard to see how well we can communicate and love in a break up and not have found ways to use that same energy to have made it work. But this is that time you have to now fix other things rather than the thing you want. This video certainly breaks down the brain around this. I feel all of it.
My biggest problem is that the relationship I am grieving was perfectly healthy. We only broke up because we wanted different futures.
I wish I could delete this last one from my thoughts. He got over me in a flash. I don't even want him anymore. I just can't stop thinking about him. 😢
I just want to know if he’s doing well or better without me… but even if that’s not true, it doesn’t change the fact that I was never doing well with the “love” he was giving.
Bad marriage is the end of a woman’s life. I wouldn’t say I made the wrong choice because my husband was once loving and carin g till the devil showed it’s ugly face in our marriage. But today it’s all history because I choose to let fatherabulu intervene in my marital life. The funny thing is talking to him isn’t difficult at all, u can always call him if you’re having doubts. He’s tested and trusted
This was of enormous help. Thank you.
To anyone reading this right now: you are not alone in this fight. I know exactly how much it hurts and how you feel. It's 4 months for me now and still healing. It's still very tough, but it's slowly getting better bit by bit. There will come a day when you make it through the storm. Keep moving forward, step by step. We’ve got this.
I hope I don't feel hurt when I remember him he dumped me like i am nothing after four years relationship
I needed to watch this video!
I think when its 5 years. I'm broken. I'm listening.
Wooow, this came at an important part of my life,,,,thank you Jay
9:19 the realest thing I ever heard 🥲 lot of this was great to hear regardless I'm glad I watched it all
This one was really important Thank you ❤
I feel very In tune with myself and feel genuinely fine until I see her, we work together not directly but I still see her almost daily, from a distance and idk what to do cause my healing feels blocked by the proximity
It's not the heart but the brain, too. This is happening to me right now.
thank you so much for this video
i’m not gonna move on
Love is love. You love your partner, your ex, your mom, your daughter — love is love. When you break up, or when your mom/daughter dies, are you saying you miss feelings and memories, and not them? Who gave me those feelings and memories? Oh, that’s right — them. Therefore, I miss them. Period. If I were to miss feelings and not them, then everyone would be alone, because you could have those feelings by yourself. Reducing love to “just feelings and memories” strips away what makes us human in the first place. Those emotions came from a real connection with a real person. That’s what love is. Missing the feelings and memories, but not the person who gave you all of them, is just a way of coping with the loss itself. It’s running away from the pain and lying to yourself. It’s hard, and it hurts. But face the truth. You miss them. There is no happiness without sadness. You would never know light without facing darkness. The harder the loss, the greater the love. Rather use this for coping. It’s okay to miss the people you love. Whether it’s your dead loved ones or your ex, it doesn’t matter. Keep it in your heart — the love will stay, and the pain will go. Stop running.
no, no songs no photos, etc. but i fkng dream of her. it's that the sleep that is killing me, when i'm unconscious