You know that moment after a breakup when you find yourself going back to their photos. Not all of them, just the best ones. The trips, the laughs, the versions of you that felt happiest together. And before you even realize it, it starts to feel like you lost something perfect. This is about that moment. The quiet spiral where you begin to question your decision, wondering if you made a mistake, where the relationship in your memory starts to feel better than it actually was. Jay breaks down what’s really happening there. Your mind is editing the past, holding onto the highlights while slowly letting go of the reasons it didn’t work. The arguments, the doubts, the patterns that hurt you all start to fade. So what you’re missing isn’t the full relationship. It’s a curated version of it. Jay unpacks why heartbreak can feel so overwhelming. It’s not just emotional, it’s biological. Your brain responds to the loss like withdrawal, craving the connection it got used to, which is why checking their profile or replaying old conversations can feel almost impossible to resist. Even deeper than that, Jay explains how breakups often tap into something older, patterns of attachment, fears of being left, or the need to feel chosen. When you think you’re missing them, part of what you’re really feeling is the loss of security, identity, and the version of yourself that existed in that relationship. In this episode you'll learn: How to Stop Romanticizing Your Ex How to Break the Late-Night Thought Spiral How to Let Go Without Losing Yourself How to Resist the Urge to Check Their Socials How to Heal Without Reaching Out How to Rebuild Your Identity After a Breakup If you’re in that space right now, missing them, questioning everything, going back and forth in your mind, just know this: what you’re feeling is real, but it doesn’t mean the story you’re telling yourself is true. It means you cared, you attached, and now you’re learning how to let go. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:20 The Version You Miss Isn’t the Whole Truth 07:29 Why Your Mind Rewrites the Past 10:46 The Hidden Patterns That Break Relationships 12:29 What You’re Really Grieving 17:22 The Real Work of Letting Go 19:32 #1: No Contact Rule 21:07 #2: The Full Picture Exercise 22:01 #3: Interrupt the Spiral 23:38 #4: Rebuild Your Identity 26:09 #5: Grief is Grief Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me
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The hardest part of moving on isn’t missing them, it’s grieving the version of life you thought you were going to have.
Timing is crazy
My mom always told me, you dont miss the person but the memories
it seems like we all need a group hug 😭
If they are still on your mind daily, it just means your brain hasn't found anything more compelling to focus on yet. The goal shouldn't be forcing yourself to stop thinking about them; it should be building a present life that is too interesting to let the past compete with.
A wise always said<<You don't miss the person, you miss the life you created in your mind that didn't exist>> this wise is Jay shetty ❤
This couldn’t have come at the most perfect time than now. Thank you. My love is still deep. My grief is just as deep
The only thing I learned is that there are really bad and hurtful people out there
18 months since he discarded ‘us’ like trash on New Year’s Eve. I haven’t looked at his photos, or his messages since and I’ve blocked him on everything! I’ve never called or texted him and I avoid songs we listened to together. I won’t even drive on his side of town and I simply cannot return to the places we visited together. He was on and off, back and forth for 5 years. I knew he’d never change but I kept giving him chances. I’ve tried dating again but I feel nothing. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and my nervous system went into shock to the point where I became chronically ill for 2 years. I’m 59 and have never felt so disillusioned with relationships. I live alone and am learning to be ok without him. Without anyone. I now know he was a dismissive avoidant and extremely emotionally abusive but still I struggle to move forward. On the flip-side, I wish I’d never met him. I didn’t need more hurt or loss. I didn’t need more lies and deceit. I’d rather be single than to ever risk that betrayal again. The day I wake up without thinking of him will be a truly wonderful day!
Meditation, inner awareness and reflection, talking to and going out with friends, starting something new based on your interests help a lot. If the other person can move on so easily, why couldn’t you? Love yourself more. Write that sweet love letter to yourself to heal your own heart ♥️
It’s been 9 days since she broke things off and we’ve been no contact but she drunk called me last night at 2am. I was asleep, and one part of me wishes i could have picked up and heard her spout her feelings about me, yet another part thinks that its for the best for my healing that i missed it.
You are forever in my corner ❤️🩹
This is exactly what I needed right now 😢 thank you
Perfect timing 🥲
I already move on physically 7 years back . currently having two children. l miss him every single day.
Uff the timing couldn’t have been better, I was wallowing in my grief today, replaying all the best moments from our wedding day and happy times. This stuff can be brutal to get through.. But I always know that something great will come out of it.
U helped me a lot ... thnk u
Married 15 years. Not good years, but feeling "I was chosen". She was difficult, abusive and at the end cruel. She married a simp, just like me, but she used him up. He's been with her through 2 children and she is hateful. I don't miss her, I miss the feeling of being loved. Glad I was only around her for 15 years. She has destroyed her family and everything she's touched.
Best video i have ever seen. So relatable and helpful. Thankyou so much.
My favourite professor Jay genius ❤l love all his programs very much