It’s taking everything in me not to become a misandrist

I’ve always tried to stay fair. I really did. I wanted to understand the male experience, so I read, I listened, and I even joined men’s rights spaces online just to see where they were coming from. I wanted to see the human side the pain, the unfairness, the stories that don’t get told. I didn’t go there to argue or judge. I went to learn.

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Some spaces were fine, even compassionate. But others, especially the ones from my own country, were horrifying. Every conversation somehow turned into women being insulted, degraded, or threatened. Not just “women are difficult” or “women don’t understand men,” but darker things. Comments wishing harm, violence, and humiliation on women. Every time a woman disagreed, they’d respond with threats. Every bit of anger was sexualized. Every disagreement became an excuse to fantasize about hurting us.

One man even sent me a message describing in sick detail what he wanted to do to me just because I said I didn’t want kids. I can’t even repeat it here without risking the post being deleted. I was shaking. I cried for hours.

I’ve always believed empathy could bridge divides, but my empathy feels burnt out. I don’t hate men as individuals, but I can’t keep extending understanding to strangers who show none in return. I’ve stopped fighting for “balance.” I fight now for women for dignity, for safety, for peace of mind.

And before anyone brings up my dad or brother they’ve shown me respect, love, and safety. They don’t treat me like I owe them my body or my silence. That’s the difference. They’ve proven they’re safe people. Most others haven’t.

I posted this right after receiving that disgusting message. I was trembling when I wrote it. But after reading the kind, thoughtful comments people told me when i shared this with them, I feel calmer.

Thank you for grounding me. I’ve been stuck indoors for months due to illness, but your kindness reminded me that not everyone out there is cruel. Maybe I’ll step outside again soon. Maybe I’ll walk through a park. Maybe I’ll meet someone kind.

For now, I just want to heal. To reclaim peace. And to believe again that the world still has gentle men in it even if right now, I can’t see them clearly.

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