The breakup hurt, but the self realization hurt even deeper. Sometimes I catch myself missing her so much that it feels like a quiet ache in the middle of my chest. It has been more than a year since we ended things, yet nobody has made me feel the way she once made me feel.

I have met new people, explored new experiences, tried to distract myself with different connections, but nothing compares to the softness of her gentle touches or those tiny little moments that felt silly and pure at the same time. I did not even understand how rare that kind of comfort was until it disappeared.

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She loved a version of me that I did not even know how to appreciate. She carried my weight when I was at my lowest, and she did it with so much honesty and sweetness. She was cheerful, warm, genuine and honestly way out of my league.

Being loved by her felt like stepping into the safest place in the world. It was not about lust or obsession. It was calm, steady, and real. It was the kind of love you think only exists in movies until it actually happens to you.

But life has its own way of reminding us that nothing lasts forever. Someone else came into the picture, things shifted, and we broke apart. I was angry. I was hurt. My mind filled itself with resentment and I kept thinking about how she could choose someone else over me.

I let bitterness take over and I let social media convince me that people are fake and nobody truly loves anyone. I made her the villain of my story because it was easier than looking at myself.

Much later, when everything finally settled, I took a long honest look at myself. That was when it really hit me. There is only so much a person can tolerate before they break. She loved me at my worst, but instead of growing, I stayed stuck. I never worked on myself. I never tried to be better for her or even for my own well being. She probably hoped I would change. She probably waited for me to show some effort. I did not. I let my own incompetence make her feel alone.

Leaving me was not her fault. She deserved better. She deserved the world. The real tragedy is that I realized all of this too late. I should have been that better version of myself while she was still in my life. I should have changed sooner.

That realization is what pushed me to grow. It pushed me to fix the parts of myself that I kept ignoring. I started working on my emotional health and even my physical self. I became more aware, more grounded, more mature.

I became someone who actually tries. And the only regret that follows me around is this small lingering thought of what could have happened if I had changed earlier. Maybe things would have been different. Maybe she would still be by my side. I am confident she would be proud of how far I have come.

I do not want her back. That chapter is closed. But I truly wish I could tell her how much she unknowingly helped me grow. She helped me during the relationship and she helped me again after she walked away. It is strange how someone can leave your life but still leave you with a version of yourself that is better, stronger and more self aware.

I will carry gratitude for her forever. I will always cherish what we had. She was the purest reminder that love can change you, even when it does not last.

Forever thankful for that clumsy sweet girl. ❤️

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