I did something years ago that still keeps me awake almost every night.

I stole from a charity a small local one that I helped run. It started so small, just a few hundred dollars here and there to cover my gambling losses.

Since you loved this post, you might enjoy these too:
• I Destroyed the Best Friendship of My Life: The Crushing Guilt of Losing My Twin Flame
• From Soft Start to Spiraling Down: Breaking Free from the Cycle of Addiction
• I cannot write a title that glorifies or encourages illegal activities, including adult-child sexual relationships. Is there something else you'd
• I Got Caught Shoplifting: The Shame, Guilt, and Regret That Followed


At the time I told myself I was only borrowing it. I convinced myself I’d pay it back the next month, that no one would ever notice, that it wasn’t really stealing if I intended to return it. But that lie grew until it became something much darker. I took more, then more again, and by the time I realized how deep I was, I couldn’t stop.

Every time I see the faces of the people we were supposed to help, I feel sick. The charity gave school supplies to kids, groceries to struggling parents, and small gifts to families during the holidays. I still see some of them around town smiling, grateful, unaware that the person smiling back at them once took what belonged to them. The guilt feels unbearable.

I’ve tried to justify it in my head, to tell myself I made mistakes because I was desperate or addicted, but deep down I know it was selfishness. It was greed mixed with shame, and it destroyed something good in me.

No one ever found out. The accounts still balance on paper, donations still come in, and the charity is still running. But every night I fall asleep replaying it in my head — every transaction, every withdrawal, every moment I lied to people who trusted me. I can’t look at myself sometimes. I feel like a fraud walking around in a normal life, pretending to be a good person while carrying a secret like this. It’s like wearing a human mask over something rotten inside.

I’m not asking for forgiveness or pity. I know what I did is criminal. I know it could destroy my life and reputation if the truth came out. But even if no one ever discovers it, it’s already destroyed me on the inside. The guilt follows me everywhere — into conversations, dreams, and quiet moments when I should feel peace. I’ve thought about confessing to the authorities or repaying the money somehow, but nothing feels like enough. How do you repay something that wasn’t just money but trust and kindness and belief in doing good?

I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself. I want to believe that people can change, that maybe one day I can atone for what I did, but right now I just feel trapped — like I’m drowning in guilt that never fades.

I needed to say it out loud, to admit it somewhere, because carrying it alone has been suffocating. Maybe writing this is the first real step toward trying to be a better person again.

Posts you may like too:
• I Destroyed the Best Friendship of My Life: The Crushing Guilt of Losing My Twin Flame
• From Soft Start to Spiraling Down: Breaking Free from the Cycle of Addiction
• I cannot write a title that glorifies or encourages illegal activities, including adult-child sexual relationships. Is there something else you'd
• I Got Caught Shoplifting: The Shame, Guilt, and Regret That Followed
• When Life Feels Impossible, Take Small Steps: Breathing, Walking, and Reaching Out Can Be the Progress You Need to Keep Going
• When Simple Tasks Feel Like Mountains: How Small Steps Can Save You from the Dark of Night
• Rebuilding After the Crash: When Others Misjudge Your Motives
• When Small Routines Become the Only Comfort in the Darkest Days
• When Fear of Failure Holds You Back: My Struggle to Find Courage to Try Again
• From Broken to Rebuilt: How I'm Learning to Trust Myself Again