My dad left me and my family over a decade ago due to some terrible shit he did. He was so goddamn crazy that all he took with him were rocks even though he had just spent over a hundred dollars getting new clothes. Our family was going good but he decided to throw it all away. When it all caught up to him shortly after he left, he went to prison for over a decade. I was only 4 or 5 when this happened. Recently last year he was let out on parole, and tried to rekindle the family acting like he didn't do a thing, or that he was absent for a decade of my life and missed so much, left me with so many questions no one could answer, left my mom who then had to work hard to support 5 children. He keeps leaving my mom voicemails or texts about how he wants to go fishing with me, or some other crap as if he had never left. His life has a timer as he was diagnosed with late stage cancer shortly before he got released on parole, and me and my family think that he wants to end things on good terms, but in all honesty I don't want too, he's a stain on my life that no bleach or stain remover can remove, no fire can burn the burden of being related to him off. He also recently went to jail for assaulting a roommate from his halfway house, and wrote me a goddamn letter as if I still care about him. Telling me how a 300 lb guy beat him and how he almost died and I kinda wish he did. For all the burdens he laid on my family I don't want him to have the satisfaction to end things on good terms, and when he does die, I won't show up to his funeral, I won't be at his side in his death bed. Hell I hate him so much that I've started dedicating my last few years of pre-adulthood to learning German so I can move to Germany to hide his stains. But I'll always be reminded that my childhood was a hell, never having a stable father figure there for me, my sister's boyfriend whom she had a kid with was one of the only admirable people I could look up too but he died in 2019 from a drug overdose, and my grandpa on my mom's side possibly the strongest person I know who survived barley Vietnam was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer the same year, and now things aren't looking good for him, and it puts me in agony knowing the only father figure left for me might die before seeing me graduate, or see me succeed in life.