A night with my best friend changed something inside me in a way I still cannot fully understand, even though almost two years have passed. I am twenty seven now, and she is the same age. We were best friends for more than thirteen years.

We liked each other in school. There were moments when it felt like we were circling around something more, but the timing never worked. Either she was not ready or I was not ready, so nothing ever happened beyond friendship.

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Much later once upon a time, we were having a party at my place, none of my parents were home. We made a sudden plan after office, she, me, and another male friend hosted the party. The guy left but she and I were alone.

First she told me to grab one joint for her. Then I told her she needed to kiss me and request me politely. She did kiss me on my cheek and we smoked. After that we sat close, talking about past days, nostalgia basically.

Then things escalated, I kissed her neck, she got excited and we were kissing like crazy. I grabbed her tiiits, sucked them like never before, and we ended up having sex. It was intense. We did it raw.

Next day she told me to buy her contraceptives and I did. She left my home.

Two years ago we made a spontaneous plan to hang out at my place after work. My parents were not home. It was supposed to be a small party with another friend, but he left early, which left the two of us alone.

We were talking, laughing, sharing old memories the way we always did. Then the energy shifted, almost like something unspoken finally surfaced between us. One thing led to another, and we crossed a line that we had avoided for more than a decade.

We kissed, we touched, and we ended up sleeping together. It was emotional and overwhelming because she was someone I had known since childhood. The next morning she asked me to get her contraceptives, and we went back to being quiet and normal as if it never happened.

A month later it happened again in a different way. We went clubbing and she stayed over, and at first it felt like the same spark was still there. She asked for a massage, I touched her, and she immediately set a boundary.

She told me not to touch her like that and reminded me to stay respectful. I backed off and did what she asked. I tried to kiss her later, thinking maybe she wanted something more, but she refused clearly. After that we just lay down and slept.

I once I started a massage but I grabbed her butt inside her underwear and was pressing it. She then told me, “What are you doing??”

I panicked and said I was just giving her a massage. She told me “Upor diye kor” → “Do it from above / over the clothes.”

I followed what she said and continued the massage, then tried to kiss her neck but she resisted and told me “Ami korbo na kichu” → “I’m not going to do anything.”

The next day she left, and we never talked about any of it again. We carried on like nothing happened, pretending those nights never existed. Now we are both in different relationships. She does not want to hang out the way we used to, almost like she created distance to protect herself or maybe to protect the friendship we once had. But the memories of those nights still shake me when I think about them.

Sometimes I feel like my chest tightens because I never understood what those moments really meant or how she actually felt.

I keep wondering if things could have turned out differently. I wonder if I misread everything or if she regretted it as soon as it happened. I wonder if I ever had another chance, or if those two nights were simply a confused mix of nostalgia, loneliness, and misplaced emotions.

I know I have moved on and she has moved on, but part of me still thinks about what happened and why it changed everything.

What do you think those nights really meant? Did I misinterpret her feelings? Or was it something that was never meant to continue?

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