How to know if your relationship is worth saving. #estherperel #relationship #therapy

An elegant and heartbreakingly accurate way of saying “you’re fucked either way.”

You won't leave until the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving

She articulated it so beautifully and truthfully

You have to experience ‘loss’ to some degree no matter what outcome you choose. ❤

Reminds me of 'The Bell Jar' by Sylvia Plath: "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor... I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest..." There is duality in every choice we make: love/loss, relief/grief, joy/sadness. Both/and. One of the most beautiful and painful parts about being human is the finite nature of our lives ❤ Everyone deserves to live with the freedom to choose their own path.

The moment you realize that the pain of staying is gonna be bigger than the pain of leaving that's exactly the moment you end the relationship

If they bring you peace, that's all you need to save a relationship. Simple as that.

Also remember, that hard times happen in every relationship, let some time pass before you just leave, unless you or someone is in danger. Give yourself time to heal before you make a decision…let God guide you!💖🙌🙏

Be quiet...be still... breathe... then follow the guidance of your soul...it knows what to do ❤

This is so helpful. I realised listening to her that the fear of not knowing what could have been outweighed my fear of grieving the loss

Stay to lose part of yourself, leave to lose the other person!

I left my marriage of 28 years. I took 18 months to get up the courage. There was no part of me that held on. My decision WAS 💯 perfect. I'm unattached, meeting new people and excited about what lies ahead. 💖🐾🐦✨🎁

A relationship is worth saving when both hearts still reach for each other with the desire to grow. When effort is mutual, not one-sided. When apologies lead to real change, not repeated patterns. And when love still feels like a safe place, even during the hard moments.

Wow. Thats some deep stuff right there.

This very thought process helped me cut my ex completely off. I knew it would be greater regret to stay then leave.

I did like the rest of her answer (not in the video) because essentially you need to be sure you don’t value what you’re losing more than what you’re sure you already have.

Yes!!! I’m not crazy for being double minded. Thank you.

I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.

Hope you’re this helps: I’ve left relationships in the past without regrets ever. The way I do it is, I ask myself like really deep ask myself, if I can live with the behavior (which is usually negative) of the other person. Like he is never going to change much, that the behavior he’s had in the past is the same behavior he presently has. If I can be okay with it I stay but if I am counting y that things will be different I cut my losses. And I’ve never been wrong. He still has the same issues, just with a different partner.

This resonates with me. A year ago my ex and I broke up as friends after 5 years. It was the right decision for me. However it was also hard and there are many things I still appreciate about him and our shared time together, and sometimes I'm sad that it didn't work out.