Wondering if coaching is a fit for you right now? Take our short quiz: https://bit.ly/46l5Kwt HG Coaching can help you work through relationship conflicts, set boundaries, and improve communication. Match with a Coach today: https://bit.ly/4kLGV2u ▼ Timestamps ▼ ──────────── 00:00 - Intro 01:56 - What Does the Science Say? 05:12 - Will Sharing Your Feelings Spark a Break Up? 06:15 - Is It Good to Share Your Feelings in a Relationship? 13:32 - Why The Internet Makes Learning Hard 16:19 - What is Emotional Work? ──────────── We offer tons of mental wellness resources to help you get your life on track. Learn more: https://bit.ly/3ZNv0qY Dr. K wrote a book called "How to Raise a Healthy Gamer," available now: https://bit.ly/3VZSDLL NEW! Check out the HG Institute for modern mental health CE's to incorporate into your practice: https://bit.ly/4oPHnhu DISCLAIMER Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer coaches, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number. All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story. For clinical or crisis support resources in your area, check out our Mental Health pack: https://bit.ly/41g77Ja Learn more about the research that goes into making our videos: https://www.healthygamer.gg/citations Find us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and more here: bit.ly/3Jy9D8D Research Citations: https://www.healthygamer.gg/citations #drk #healthygamer #mentalhealth
ADVERTISEMENT
I’m a therapist who works with couples. It’s amazing seeing how many people want their partner to be open with their emotions but then have no idea how to hold space for them when they do.
My experience: when I went to my partner and said: here is what I'm struggling with, here is what I think the problem is, and here is what I'm trying to do to solve it, but I could use your understanding and support--I got positive or at least neutral results. Usually the former. But in the past, when things were less stable for me, and sometimes I just *cracked* and grasped in desperation for support in my darkest moments? That's when I got the ooo icky eww cringe response. I may have gotten a "there there" in that moment, but things were never the same after that. I won't go into details, if you know you know. So yeah, your partner is not your therapist. But gaw, it sure makes a difference when you find someone that will be there for you no matter how much you show ass
Dr. K, I don't have a girlfriend. But this video did sincerely help me get a deathless run in super meat boy. So thank you.
If sharing my feelings is killing my relationship, then I'm in the wrong relationship.
key phrase "match their energy".
I think both partners are responsible for holding emotional space for the other. No, they are not your therapist and shouldnt take that role. But they should be able to hold your hurt with you and vice versa. If there's no mutual emotional support between partners, then I must ask, what is even the point of the relationship?
Sigh... The answer is always "it depends"
Dosage is an important concept in medicine. If you have a headache, taking Tylenol can help. However, saying Tylenol will help does not mean you should down the entire bottle in 1 go. Similarly, plants need water; however throwing your potted plant in a lake will not help it grow.
Great, another one of those "find the invisible line by crossing it" games.
My ex girlfriend would ask me what’s wrong and pressure me to open up, and every single time I did, she got annoyed and huffed in frustration
The way I’ve always saw this topic is that there’s a difference between sharing your feelings and dumping your feelings. You ofc want to share your thoughts and feelings with your SO. But if you are constantly trauma dumping, using her as an emotional sponge, whining and crying without doing the work to be better then yes, you will give her the ick. The former is mature and shows growth, the latter shows you need therapy. She is a parter, not a therapist.
Well, to be fair... there IS a difference between daily trauma dumping and just the occasional venting about having had a hard day at work.
One word I didn't hear being mentioned is "compatibility" - if you are a person who wears their heart on their sleeve, who is doing their own healing and who is ready and open to do the emotional work in a relationship and you meet someone who doesn't want to do or can't do the work and to take responsibility for their own healing journey, can't hold space for you, can't be vulnerable and is completely repressed, then chances are high that both will be unhappy in this dynamic and the best thing for them is to go their separate ways to find someone more compatible. That is not a failure or anyone's fault, it's a realignment for both.
I don't think the problem is the sharing itself. I think the problem is lack of self-regulation. If i share my trauma/ pain with you, but I've been working on it on my own little by little, it will not be as heavy. You will understand I'm struggling and need help, but I'm not I'm taking accountability for myself. When I tell you about my feelings, and I've never actually processed these feeling on my own, I'm forcing you to join me in overwhelm. I'm not only asking for help, I'm expecting you to save me from drowning while I'm pulling you down to save myself
The potentially unfortunate "truth" is that self-expression is most accepted when paired with emotional resilience. Express yourself, but only after the fact. Open up, but only after the problem is solved. Share the strength of overcoming, not the weakness of suffering. It sucks. People don't know how to empathize with men.
Ya’ll are always asking for more content on how to navigate relationships and find love. Well, we’ve been working on something big to help you with just that, and it will be dropping soon…join the waitlist here: /4auz0Dh
study has resources from 2001. that's pre-social media.
That's fine. I'd rather have a dead relationship than a fake one.
now I get why she left
It hurts when they refer you to a therapist even though you're always there for them when they share painful memories. I agree with your assessment that your partner should not be your therapist, I just wish some people realized how much they emotionally rely on their partner before dismissing that partner's emotions. EDIT: To be clear, I'm only talking about situations where a partner is generally unsupportive and uses a therapist referral as a way to not have to listen to your stories. If a partner is there for you while also acknowledging a therapist might give you steps to overcome a particular issue, that is a good thing. However, I have noticed nowadays there is a disturbing trend of partners claiming they are doing unpaid emotional labour by simply attending to your basic (controlled) emotional needs. A therapist should listen and give professional help, but a partner should also be there to listen (within reason of course, if it's a 24/7 thing it becomes unreasonable).