Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Do you want to know the best relationship advice no one has ever told you before? In today’s episode, Mel is revealing the one rule about relationships you must know. There is a game-changing framework that will help any relationship go the distance, and once you hear it, you’ll want to share it with everyone you know. It reveals why some relationships fail, and it also gives you the secret to sustaining a strong and successful relationship. Here to explain this “4 Levels” framework is New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey. Matthew has been helping people for more than 17 years to feel more confident and in control of their relationships. His YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views. By the end of today’s episode, you’ll know when it’s time to let go of a relationship, when it’s worth fighting for, and the 4 habits of all successful relationships. Matthew's website: https://matthewhussey.com/ Follow Matthew on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey For more resources, including links to Matthew’s new book, YouTube, and social media platforms, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-177 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast In this episode: 00:02:02: Do you want to feel more confident and in control of your relationships? 00:03:11: What the 4 level framework for any relationship is. 00:05:28: The level that is the most dangerous level to be stuck in with someone. 00:07:22: How to really know if someone is willing to commit to you. 00:09:35: How to have the “what is this” conversation with the person you are newly dating. 00:12:02: How to calmly communicate what you need in a relationship. 00:16:25: If you feel resentment and anger in your relationship, listen to this. 00:19:00: How Matthew almost messed up his relationship with his wife. 00:23:20: When you are getting mixed signals from someone, text them this. 00:26:45 What you need to know if someone you love is wasting your time. 00:28:05: What Matthew means when he says this is THE hardest conversation you will ever have. 00:32:08: How to truly understand what you want and what matters to you. 00:34:12: Date the person, not their potential. 00:36:28: Why love is not all you need for a healthy and long relationship. 00:39:42: How to know if you are compatible with someone you are with. 00:42:10: What it looks like to value yourself in a relationship. #RelationshipAdvice #MixedSignals #RelationshipFramework — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah #lifeadvice #selfdevelopment #habits
ADVERTISEMENT
I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation Mel. Thank you for having me. And thank you everyone here for watching!
24:56 “Because no one, no one, cares about your time and your life as much as you, and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your life”
✓ Admiration ✓Mutual Attraction ✓Commitment ✓Compatability
That part where it's mentioned that it's not about resenting them for the time we spent and they wasted, it's about us taking accountability of not having honored our standard... I really needed to hear that 😔
While running, I clicked on this video, I suddenly fell to my knees and started bawling. "No one cares about your time or your life as much as you do"—such powerful words of wisdom.❤
This episode is so well timed. Today, I finally walked out of a 3 year relationship after finally putting myself and my needs first. With a diminishing biological window, I wasn't going to let this man keep me on Level 2 any longer. I feel scared and worried but am trusting the process and hoping to meet someone who wants the same things as me, including a family of our own. Thank you, Matthew and Mel. I needed this today.
I married a boy who only wanted to experience a marriage, not actually put in the work, time, and energy. I now know it's because we did not discuss what "marriage" means to us. We went into this with two different definitions. Marriage to him is just a piece of paper and a ring. I've been emotionally alone in this marriage and have grown resentful with time. My focus now is to be the best mother I can be to my children and make myself financially independent so I can leave this marriage.
The problem is that some people lie about what they want just to keep you in a relationship
'Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.'
Confirmed that my hubby and I are good even after 43 years❣️
As a woman, I always felt like I had to settle in relationships. Then I read 'Power of Assertiveness' by Mind-bloomery, and it was like a light bulb went off. I realized I deserve to be treated with respect and love, all the time. Since then, I have found someone who truly values me for who I am.
''Why would I let someone who doesn't respect this human, anywhere near them? Why would I let someone who is making this human feel unsafe or confused about their worth, or keep them in limbo, or pick them up and put them down, completely inconsistent....anywhere near me'' - powerful words and hits me hard. Sadly ive allowed this😢
What is difficult is that people pretend to be compatible in the beginning to rope you in then you find out how selfish they really are once you're married. Although there were probably signs earlier we didn't pay attention to . Also, I think we all want people just like us and don't learn what you did recently Mel, that compatibility can be balance vs similarity. I'm just learning this now
"No-one, no-one cares about your time and your life as much as you and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your life!" This is so profound and true not just for relationships but work and everything else in your life!!! WOW, thank you!
I 💜 Matthew Hussey’s work. Sadly, I wish he had been around when I was in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s. After choosing to enter not one, but TWO marriages that became toxic. I’m now 60 and have lost hope that I will ever find a life parter that meets my core needs. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who hurts you.
Matt talks about having standards and living them as being attractive. He is spot on. Standards equal self worth. Someone with standards/high self esteem will only be attractive to someone else with standards/high self esteem. The abusers and takers will see that and will run like their tail is on fire! Those types of people are attracted to the over- givers, the co-dependants, empty people who need outside validation from someone else to feel they have worth.
“You are the only one charged with the resposibility to take care of this one human” nurture yourself 🙌🏿
I ended a 2.5 yr relationship although I was still very much in love with a guy. Being stuck in level 2 is so unfair to yourself. I should have ended it shortly after we met when he told me he wasn't looking for marriage. 😢Heartbreaking!
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
Greetings to all who are reading this. I feel totally broken right now. My heart is sad because this connection meant everything to me, and my ex departed a few weeks ago. I made every effort to get him back, but it was unsuccessful. I don't know where to go or what to do next. It may not even be appropriate for me to share this here, but I felt compelled to.