https://youtu.be/ARJxDNalUoU It's normal to want your relationship to survive, it's normal to hope for an intimate connection with someone. We all want to feel safe and close with someone we love. The only issue is...those things demand something from us. In order to build trust in a relationship, we need consistency, we need a felt sense of safety that this person cares about my feelings, needs, and desires, we need mutual respect. Great relationships don't happen by accident. And when someone else refuses to put in the work to make a relationship work we need to ask the question "how do I know when it's time to leave?" If you ever want to support my work https://bit.ly/3FWA1Ez #marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution
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Never date for potential. Also only believe actions. People will say anything to get what they want from you. Actions speak louder than words.
"When they show you who they are, believe them the first time." Some of the wisest words ever spoken.
At the end of mediation my soon to be ex husband stood up, looked at me and said,”but I love you” The attorneys in the office held their breath (he was violent toward me), I stood up, looked at him and said, “but you didn’t live it”. After he left, the mediator and both attorneys said they’ve seen women change their minds when hearing this and often later end up in an ER and commended me my strength. It wasn’t easy But it was right. ✨💖✨
When you learn that you are the only one trying to make it work, you have your answer.
The worst feeling of all is to be with someone who makes you feel that you are alone.
You finally reach a point where being on your own feels better than staying together. That’s when you’re able to leave.
I’m drowning in depression because I cannot see a way out. Every time I want to leave everyone always says “but he loves you” “he doesn’t hit you”. Yes but he doesn’t sleep in the same room as me, he doesn’t cuddle me, he doesn’t make me feel safe when we drive together (road rage), he messes up the house after I clean, he doesn’t talk with me, he talks at me. Then I’m the overreacter. I’m sad, lonely and feel utterly hopeless.
I loved the “Your body is too smart to continue to give itself to someone who isn’t safe”
I made this quote after my last relationship, which made me feel the way it was described in the video. I wanted to share it with anyone currently going through something similar: "We mistake quiet for peace, avoidance for resolution, and distraction for fulfillment. Yet peace requires confrontation, resolution requires engagement, and fulfillment requires purpose."
"The longer you stay on a train going the wrong way, the more expensive it is to get home" This isn't about money.
I now go by the following rule: Once is a mistake. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern. And the minute I see one, you're out. (took me 30 years to get there!)
I use to keep telling him he acts like I'm not his person. Finally realized he's not MY person.
Ask your nervous system. It will never fail you.
The biggest indicator of my "doneness" was when I stopped doing things for him that I normally would. I stopped making his lunch. Even though I'd made it everyday for more than a year, I just quit making it one day. Stopped cooking. Stopped cleaning up his messes. Stopped stressing over laundry. I do not care anymore. Zero motivation; it just disappeared. After 19 years, I'm finally taking my life back. Through therapy 2x/week, and with an amazing therapist, I'm finding my self-worth and my authentic self. His pity-party no longer works with me. At all.
When my ex-husband asked me if I could recommend any resources so that he could work on our marriage I sent him a couple of Jimmy’s videos. Very soon I saw some positive changes. Then I woke up - the first argument we had he told me I believe in bs a YouTuber posted just to milk us people who don’t want to accept that marriage is difficult and I was trying to pull him into that illusion. That’s when I knew I had to walk away.far far away.which I did🙌
"Are enough of your needs being met to compensate for the ones that aren't." POWERFUL
If you have to ask for love, it's not coming from the person it should.
My ex boyfriend did not know how to communicate his needs. Every time I asked him to tell me if something bothers him or if he would like any change in the relationship he would tell me that everything is fine. The only time he brought something up was as a defense when I brought up an issue. This really left me feeling unheard and frustrated. He kept avoiding difficult conversations, making me feel like I am too much because I was expressing my needs and emotions, while he would rather be left alone.
This is exactly why women initiate most divorces. Their needs aren't being met. Family, friends, society is going to blame her for doing that to him. She's called selfish, because 'he wasn't cheating on her.' Please don't listen to their message. Your needs are valid.
15 years- I waited fifteen flipping years. Poor self worth, trauma bonding, couples counselling, individual counselling- whatever I did or tried to do, was never enough. I can't have a partnership by myself, especially if I'm the only one who shows up. Don't waste as much time as me, accept that this person just can't or won't give what you need. Doesn't make them a bad person, just makes them not yours.