Today, Jay reflects on the lessons about love he wishes he had known in his twenties. He examines how movies, media, and cultural narratives have long shaped unrealistic expectations about romance, often equating love with grand gestures, nonstop excitement, and fairy tale endings. Jay challenges these ideas, by showing that true love is not constant fireworks, but a balance of peace, stability, and passion. He explains how the thrill is often mistaken for attraction, and how the calm that comes from trust and consistency is actually the real foundation of a healthy relationship, even if often mistaken for boredom. Jay also explores the critical role of self-awareness and boundaries in fostering meaningful relationships. He discusses how love without boundaries can cause you to lose yourself, and how repeating familiar emotional patterns from the past can keep you stuck in cycles that feel comfortable but are ultimately harmful. Through relatable examples, Jay highlights the importance of defining emotional non-negotiables, paying attention to how a partner handles boredom and conflict, and understanding the influence of attachment styles. Jay emphasizes that successful relationships are not about finding someone perfect, but about choosing a partner who is willing to heal, grow, and face challenges together. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Set Boundaries Without Pushing Love Away How to Handle Conflict Without Ruining a Relationship How to Recognize the Difference Between Lust and Love How to Break Unhealthy Relationship Patterns How to Choose Patience and Healing in Relationships Finding real love isn’t an end goal, it’s an ongoing journey you take with intention, compassion, and patience. It’s something you build over time through quiet moments, healthy boundaries, and a commitment to grow, both on your own and together. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:13 Everything You Need to Know About Love 04:12 #1: Chemistry Does Not Equal Compatibility 09:19 #2: Love Without Boundaries is Self Abandonment 12:25 #3: How They Handle Boredom Tells You Everything 14:25 #4: Conflict Doesn't Ruin Relationships, Avoidance Does 16:44 #5: The Thrill is Temporary, Steady Love is Lasting 20:57 #6: How Does Your Partner's Attachment Style Affect You? 23:01 #7: What Feels Familiar Isn’t Always What’s Right Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me
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This video showed me the patterns. Book Hollow Intimacy showed me the way out. Book helped me to stop repeating the same toxic cycles and start choosing differently. If you're tired of the same painful patterns, start here.
The contents on this video is amazing. 25-12-2024. I had the worst Christmas holidays imaginable, the love of my life left me. my backbone, joy and my better half. We have been separated since then, with two kids, now she wants a divorce, my whole world is crumbling right before my eyes. What hurts the most is the fact that i was the cause, i was drowned with work and sometimes we do not communicate for months. I am a marine engineer, so it was difficult to stay in touch when I was absent, at first she could take it but later it kept creating a void. If you are reading this, never neglect your partner. I haven't been the same since then. I will do everything to get her back.
This comment section probably won’t remember me, but maybe someone scrolling needs this. A few months ago I hit a wall. Nothing made sense. I bought Manifest the Unseen by Luna Rivers after seeing it here on yt. I had no expectations. But chapter by chapter, it broke something open in me. Not motivation — momentum. Wishing that for you too.✨
“ Don’t make that person your everything! Boundaries!💯💯💯💯💯
My husband left 10 months ago. I did all the things she mentioned cried, begged, fought, etc… Recently I have just accepted this might be my future alone. I backed off,but still made my self available to talk. I stopped yelling and crying. I have seen a change. Recently he told me he missed me , the first time in 10 months. Praying healing on our broken hearts. Praying healing on all your broken hearts.
These days people find healthy relationships boring. They crave the excitement of drama and chaos because like he says it’s what people believe is chemistry when in reality it’s just dopamine. I’ve learned now not to believe anything someone says I believe in how they’re showing up in the relationship.
Some videos arrive right when we need them. This is one of them 🙏
"Chemistry is NOT compatibility." 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
If you have ADHD and haven’t read the book The ADHD Balance by Lentlish, you’re missing out.
Boundaries are not for the other person. You cant control how someone else acts. Boundaries are what you set yourself. How far you are willing to be pushed, what you can tolerate, what you can't and when you are ready to say enough is enough. You cant set boundaries for someone else, only yourself.
I’ve come to realisation thats its okay to be alone, but its not okay to feel alone…work on your emotional intelligence and eliminate the victim mentality.
I love this. I never had any boundaries in my relationship and I lost myself. This is just what I needed to hear ❤
I need to listen to this 3-4 times to not make these errors. Emotionally unavailable men is my issue.
Every word in this podcast matter. I m married for 21 years now. And I can tell that all relationships starts the same way. But don't expect feelings last forever. It's up for both to keep fire, to listen to each other and to respect each other. If there is no respect it will not last. Love has different stages. But if you still admire this person stay with them. Because new lust will not last forever. Stay where you get warmth from relationship and care. Because if people really care you can not hide it. It comes from heart ❤...
Toxic love patterns are not failures of the heart—they are echoes of conditioning, fear, and misidentification with the ego. Society teaches us to seek completion outside ourselves, to cling to attachment, and to repeat cycles that feel familiar but diminish our true essence. From the perspective of pure awareness, these patterns are illusions, ripples on the vast ocean of Infinite Intelligence, preorchestrated opportunities for awakening rather than punishments or permanent flaws. The heart, when seen clearly, is already whole and untouched by past pain. By stepping into conscious presence, even for a single moment, we begin to dissolve the grip of these patterns. In the space of awareness, love is no longer transactional or conditioned—it flows freely, unbounded and unconditional. Each choice to observe rather than react rewrites the dance of connection, revealing infinite possibilities for authentic, radiant relationships. The so-called “breakthrough” is simply a remembering: that the Self has always been free, and all love that arises from this freedom carries the signature of the divine.
nice video. I wake up hoping it was just a bad dream. but reality always hits he's gone. no matter how much I tell myself to move forward, my heart refuses to let go. I just want to turn back time and hold onto him a little tighter.
This healed something in me
If me getting this message did not come at a better time! Thank you. Deeply truly. God is Good. Amen.
Toxic narcissistic behaviour is an absolute relationship killer. So soul-destroying and heart-breaking. Impossible to stay in this type of relationship.
I am 💯agree. Boundaries is very important. And selflove. Put yourself in the first place. Enjoy being alone. Before entering in an relationship. Great podcast 🙏❤️