Dr. Ramani, a licensed clinical psychologist, is back for another eye-opening discussion on narcissistic personalities. In this interview, you'll learn: - How to identify a narcissist - How to heal from an abusive relationship - How to regain your self-confidence - How to let go of a toxic relationship What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:09 How To Diagnose Narcissism 05:41 Why Narcissistic People Make History 9:28 How To Not Attract A Narcissist 11:27 Patterns Of A Narcissistic Relationship 18:11 Why People Get Stuck In Toxic Relationships 21:45 The Long-Term Impact Of Narcissistic Abuse 28:21 You Can Empathize And Not Forgive 30:42 What Is Radical Acceptance? 32:39 The Importance Of Flexibility In Our Psyche 35:20 Grief is the Most Human Experience 38:06 How To Recreate Your Own Subjective Focus 44:13 How To Pull Yourself Away From Gaslighting 48:58 Can a Narcissist Ever Heal? Episode Resources: https://doctor-ramani.com/ https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-Identifying-Narcissistic/dp/B0C6YLS58Y/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.HJEpLWKsXDnwDHKZr9n1aKiE2JfDlh6-9lhQndztDOf9FEHLUzqfHuT69u0QCphE.moPyk2E04d66f48E4UVYEqMO7SGmM4_t8778NRuW2IQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=Ramani+Durvasula+PhD&qid=1709045002&s=audible&sr=1-1 Want to learn to coach like Jay Shetty? Discover how here: https://gtly.to/PMlHc6JZw
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The loss of yourself when you’re in a narcissistic relationship is so sad
Dr Ramani saved my life from a gaslighting, physically abusive narcissist. I knew something was wrong with him, I assumed it was ME...then I came across her on YouTube and she described what I had been living. It took me a couple of years to prepare to leave...my spirit had been so crushed, he stole who I was...he beat me down so far I didn't think I deserved much. Dr Ramani turned my light back on, understanding it wasn't ME , gave me the courage to leave. I planned, I saved $$$, I built my self confidence back up and left!!! THANK YOU for saving me!! At 70 yrs old I am free to live my remaining years in peace.
I am a survivor. My motto is “Don’t look back, you are not going that way”.
Thank you, Jay for having me back on your podcast!
“ repeatedly forgiving a repeat perpetrator, actually harms the forgiver”. Well this is good clarity! Thank you.
The name they had for it before narcissism was EVIL
When she describes how they get bored with you and you become an inconvenience when you ask for the bare minimum 💯💯💯
It is painful. You don't trust your own thoughts. You think you are so faulty because you have become worthless the gaslighting is real. You become convinced that you are unloveable.
Forgiveness seems to be misunderstood here. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you invite them back. Hell no ! Forgiveness is releasing the bitterness and hatred you feel in your heart toward them because of what they have done. Eventual forgiveness is essential to release the toxins in your own heart. Otherwise it will poison and destroy you.
Wow!! Empathy as a trauma/survival response!! That resonated with me for sure. I’ve tolerate so much bs in the name of empathy!!
I remember that loss of identity so clearly when I left my narcissistic husband. I had no idea of who I was anymore. Before that relationship I was always someone who loved clothing and dressing well, so I took myself off to Topshop (still in my twenties) to treat myself. I remember looking around thinking "what do I like? who am I? What is my style?" I really had no idea. I felt completely lost, like I had lost my whole identity. It took years to get myself back; and now I am so sure of who I am, and happy with who I am - more than most. I think when you have gone through this and done all of the painstaking work (that takes years) you actually end up with a stronger sense of self than most.
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The grief is how much you loss yourself in this relationship. It hits home.
I had a person in a help group who had recently left a narcissistic relationship and then the narcissist died. She was asking how to feel about that, and several people were saying to forgive the narcissist, but I told her it's ok to hate him even if he's dead. He did terrible things to you, and just because he died, that doesn't relieve him of the responsibility for having done those things. She thanked me profusely and it seemed to have helped her a lot to know that she wasn't a bad person for not forgiving him.
The longer a person is in a narcissistic relationship, the longer they have to abandon themselves. Whew! That right there!! 🎯🎯🎯
These relationships are abusive relationships. By saying something is narcissistic, we need to remind ourselves that these behaviours are abuse. I would reframe this as abusive relationships. The term narcissistic often times gives the abuser an excuse for why they are abusive.
TRAUMA BOND. Its like STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.
What I love is when the narc actually says that you are the narcissist 😂
Dr. Ramani probably saved my life. Thought I was going crazy and I was so broken, I thought everything that went wrong in my familial relationships was my fault because they told me so. The grief was overwhelming when I finally saw the truth and realized the family I thought I had was all in my head. Narc mother, golden child brother and sister, then me bending over backwards to please everyone--the scapegoat. I am so tired, emotionally and psychologically. I am so tired.
Narcissists are sometimes pseudo-empathetic, even beyond the winning you over. I know one who speaks in a low tone, never yells asks you how you are doing but its all to check boxes and to make you feel bad each time you even think they are a "bad" person. Something about this personality trait feels premeditated and dangerous