💬 Need help for your relationship? Schedule a call with our client care team to find out how we can help: https://marriagerecoverycenter.com/book-a-call We have all experienced relational conflict at one time or another, and probably said and done some things in the heat of an argument that were hurtful. But when does a person’s actions cross over to being emotionally “abusive”? This can feel like a grey area for many, but there are some clear signs that indicate whether you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. In this video Dr. Hawkins gives you 10 signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. If any of these ring true for you, we encourage you to check out the “Is It Abuse” section on our website where you can find more information on what abuse is: https://marriagerecoverycenter.com/is-it-abuse/ 🟥 SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/3Y8Wm8S Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse. 🌐 WEBSITE: https://marriagerecoverycenter.com/ ☎️ PHONE: (206) 219-0145 📧 EMAIL: [email protected] About The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade. Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more. #reactiveabuse #reactive #emotionalabuse
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Sad, but all ten describes my marriage. After 44 years I woke up and left. It's been almost four months now and I feel much better. I thank God everyday for people like you who shed light on a situation that was difficult to explain to others without feeling like I was the crazy one. Now I know. It wasn't me ❤❤❤
We are often trapped by finances
1. I do not feel safe. 2. Never talk about issues. 3. My opinion or choices not respected 4. Feel disregarded, voiceless, unheard in this relationship. 5. Person become enraged if I questioned anything, can’t disagree. 6. Care very little about my likes, hopes, things I value. 7. Always walking on eggshells. 8. Cause you to feel 9. Feel isolated and alone (still your joy and happiness) 10. Cause chronic stress and fatigue. 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
He flips everything back on me. It’s got to the stage I just shut down.
I spent 35 years in this exact relationship that the doctor speaks about..all 10 apply to me. My husband passed away but I'm still reeling from it. But one thing I can say, I will NEVER remarry..freedom is sweet
1st sign watching a video about emotional abuse
46 years of not being able to put my finger on it & you've nailed it in under 8 minutes! Thank you!!
Dr. Hawkins, everything you say is true. I'm age 80, married over 50 years, dismissed red flags before the marriage, persisted in trying to please him, never gave up hope. Eventually, my body broke down. Now, I live with crippling autoimmune disorder that attacks my skin with horrible itchy blisters. I cannot live alone anymore and have nowhere to go. Please continue to educate people about the severe consequences of living with emotional abuse.
You nailed it. My marriage in a nutshell. My anxiety has even almost killed me. I am now divorcing him.29 years of it. Am starting over for peace and serenity.
I’m in an extremely abusive relationship. I’ve reached a point of total isolation and insanity dealing with the ongoing psychological abuse. Leaving the relationship becomes like navigating a minefield, where I am the bad guy and I am horrible for leaving. He also lives in my house which makes me “leaving” a LOT more difficult. These relationships are life sucking.
Sadly all ten describe my marriage of 38 years. I am trapped due to financial ties. Just trying to do me and trust God. But it is very hard and painful
Cost of living is too crazy, makes it hard to leave but I rather give up everything and having my peace 🎉
Sounds like my husband but everyone loves him. He has charm.
All 10 describe my 53 yrs of marriage. I felt so alone and nervous and lost my voice for 3 yrs and could not speak a word. Speech therapy for 3 yrs because of a man who was controlling me . I did not enjoy going any where with him, in fear of being shot down if I spoke. It was not a relationship. He was such a miserable man to be with.
You know what’s absolutely sad, you don’t even realize it until after you get out. While you’re in it, you know something is off, but for me, I didn’t understand it was emotional abuse. I didn’t know my craziness and lash outs were reactive abuse either. I was always blamed for how I responded, but he never took accountability (unless it benefited him) for what he did to cause my reaction. Looking back, it saddens me that I didn’t love myself and my self esteem was extremely low to tolerate that dynamic for almost 13 years. (Off and on) After 5 years, I got out and made it almost a year and then went back because he claimed he had changed and of course I didn’t understand what was happening, all to go thru the same things again and then bring a child in the mix. It’s like he felt in control at that point and I really started to see his true colors. He was so mean to me and dismissive and I could not understand how someone who claimed they loved me and kept coming back to me could treat me that way. It was a nightmare and I was very lost and stuck in a toxic dynamic even more because of the baby. Then again in 2021, he proclaimed change and wanting to be a better Man and all of a sudden interested in marriage. I fell for it once again, but of course it didn’t last and the break ups were always because of my “insecurities and inability to let go of the past” some of which I didn’t know was even going on behind my back until he told me. I was in such a brain fog and I truly felt stuck. I remember crying so much and just not wanting to be around anymore because of the pain and misery…of course I realize now that was the trauma bond and me being addicted to him. Had no idea that was even a thing! Just thought that intense feeling I had, had to be love and maybe it was me who needed to work on some things. Anyways…Our son is 8 now and it’s been about 9 months since the last discard and I won’t go back ever again. I understand what has happened all those years and I’m working on loving myself and rebuilding my self esteem. I’ve started working out and practicing a lot of self love. I’m very proud of myself, but I have moments of sadness because there’s still unhealed pieces and a lot to unravel. Day by day for sure!! Anyone reading this, you are enough and it’s never too late to start your journey of self love. Thank you for taking the time to read my comment.
Pretty much describes how my husband was heading. I started to stand up for myself and was seriously thinking about leaving. Then he got diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer. Turned out to be terminal. I threatened to leave him when he was screaming at me. He tried to blame the medicine he was on. I told him it wasn't. I stayed with him to the end. He wasn't like this when we got married. But, he started to drink and it changed him. I don't miss the man he became, but I miss the man I married.
This is my life. I pretend to myself that it’s ok. I go to work and pretend to myself I have a normal home life. I need to get out of this. It’s taken over me and I’m alone with this empty angry nightmare of a man. I don’t talk at all because he will rubbish what I say. He doesn’t talk because he is an empty shell. He waits for me to break the silence so that he can rubbish what ever I say. He’s so defensive and acts like he’s under attack every time I speak to him. I’m very lonely and fed up. He’s horrible and I’ve had enough. He had a difficult childhood and I believe he’s stuck in his ways. I need to get out of this relationship.
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub com .
I was married 23 years and i blamed myself and tried to please. Wrong move cause he got worse. I wondered why i felt stupid and nervous all the time. It was affecting my memory, my self esteem and i had pains in my back. I was going crazy , i didnt want to be near him and i went out often. I met a man who listened and understood me. I went for counseling and i left my marriage. It has been a journey to recover and feel worthy. Glad to be away from the crazy making.
"There's no free exchange of information" hit hard for me. So true. Thank you.