I've Been Struggling

Psychotherapist here. Everything you describe and are experiencing regarding the NICU is still emotionally present for you. I am so sorry you all had to go through that... That is how trauma works; unfortunately, we cannot simply reason our way through it, as it is literally imprinted on our bodies and in our subconscious. So, all those feelings you experienced back then—likely immense fear, sadness, perhaps feelings of guilt or inadequacy—are surfacing so much more strongly now that your body has signaled it is ready to handle them! :) I am glad you sought professional help... You might also want to look into EMDR; some people speak very highly of the results. Embrace all these feelings bc they are signaling you that you went throuhg very very hard time...And that it's your turn for nurturing your body and soul...Sending you a big big hug! ❤

Also do not underestimate the influence of hormones, that will take a couple of years to stabilise ❤

The fact that you know you’re experiencing the effects of trauma is already halfway to recovery. Much love to all three of you. ❤

Your trauma is real. You're not alone. ❤

Jess, you’ve been through the wringer physically , emotionally and hormonally. Parenthood is a serious, life changing experience and people don’t talk about how it affects them. Everyone thinks you have a baby and the world is the happiest place,but the reality is sleepless nights, drudgery during the days, constant battles with hormones, self image, anxiety and the never ending fear of of potential loss. I’ve talked about this a lot; as a parent you NEVER stop worrying until the day you die. It’s a lot. Be kind to each other.

Trauma therapist here... it sounds like you are experiencing symptoms of post traumatic stress. It is the nervous system's normal response to trauma. It might be helpful to talk to a maternal health trauma specialist and potentially explore EMDR treatment. Our brains store traumatic memories as if they are happening over and over again. Not in the past. EMDR can help the brain reprocess those memories. It can feel so overwhelming. And Multiple things can be true at the same time. Knowing is different than feeling. Also bessel van Der Kolk's book The Body Keeps The Score might be helpful. You guys are incredible parents ❤ I'm sending you so much love and healing.

I can't imagine the fear that you and Alessio have experienced. Sending you so much love and comfort 🫂🦁💚

Best mom ever! Alessio is best dad and husband ever. Praying for you three 🙏♥️

I think it's outrageous that in the 21st century in industrialized modern countrys, and I speak for Europe as well, pregnant women are still left alone and unprepared for the enormous psychological impact that a pregnancy can entail. My heart goes out to you, I've been there, too ❤

What you are experiencing right now is such a normal reaction to trauma. When you were going through the NICU stay, your body was running entirely on pure survival mode and adrenaline. It is incredibly common that once the adrenaline comes down and your world starts calming down, the reality of everything hits you all at once. Your brain finally feels safe enough to step out of flight mode and process the weight of what you actually went through. On top of that emotional toll, your body is still recovering physically. Even though it has been five or six months, postpartum hormones can take a full year or more to completely regulate, especially after enduring extreme stress and sleep deprivation. Those shifting chemical levels can absolutely still affect your emotional well-being, anxiety, and mental stamina today. You did an amazing job protecting Lorenzo, and now your mind and body just need the grace and time to catch up and heal. Thank you for being so incredibly vulnerable and sharing your story.

I had a traumatic first birth too. I understand everything you’re saying. It took yrs for me to overcome because we didn’t do therapy back then. I didn’t know that was even an option. But eventually I did overcome and that “baby “ our daughter is 43 yrs old with a family of her own. You will overcome. Give yourself time and grace.

As a postpartum nurse, your story is very important for other NICU mothers to hear. At the hospital we only see you in that immediate postpartum period where you are reacting to what is happening but maybe not really processing. There should be more support groups for mothers to talk about this. Coming from a Mother of 3 school age/teen age, the good news is that Lorenzo will never remember his time in the NICU, never remember not being with his loving parents all the time.

I'm so glad you are going to get therapy, Jessi. Hormones or not, PTSD is a real thing once you've gone through something traumatic, especially when it concerns your child. Don't be like me, who felt like I never had the time, after my son was in the hospital off and on for years. You and Alessio went "above and beyond" for Lorezo - that's probably why he "graduated early" from the NICU! You will get through this with therapy, your wonderfully supportive husband, loyal followers and healthy baby, so you can look forward to your future, not just reliving the past. Hugs!

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. EMDR is a great therapy modality for processing trauma. It allows you to work through the emotions without having to talk it through/relive it. It is designed to help the brain process and alleviate the emotional distress caused by traumatic experiences. It made a world of difference for me. I still remember everything, but no longer as flashbacks, and I can talk about it without crying.

Thank you so much for sharing this!!! Just you realizing, admitting, and seeking help for this is HUGE! Also, remember that this journey has been YEARS in the making—you’ve both been through so very much. Continued prayers over yall and God’s many more blessings to come. May His peace cover you as you heal ❤️‍🩹

My heart is with you. I am 34 years removed from a triplet pregnancy with hospitalization for 8 weeks. Wasn’t able to process until years later because of the constant busyness. The sleep deprivation from being in the hospital for so long was a huge factor in my issues. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine your journey.

Prayers for your recovery. Enjoy the present with Lorenzo and Alessio. ❤

My "youngest" is 44 and I still remember not being on the same floor as her. I practically crawled down the hall trying to reach her. The maternal instinct is STRONG! Give yourself GRACE!❤❤❤

You've got this girl. You've got Alessio. You've got Lorenzo. It will only get better. I'm saying prayer for all three of you

My son was in a car accident 25 years ago. He sustained a traumatic brain injury and was in the hospital for 5 weeks. While there one day a breeze came through an open window in his room that touched my cheek. To this day if a breeze hits my cheek at a certain temperature I am transported back to that hospital room.